i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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