I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
