***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I can't turn off my feet"
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Randomize
