my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
3pm strippers are depressing
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
