the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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