I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
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