You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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