So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
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