We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I stole a fireplace last night.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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