How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
