Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
