Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
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