went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
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