On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
