Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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