what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
