Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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