we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
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She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
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Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
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