Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Floor bacon is actually really good
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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