i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
