I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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