Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
