dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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