i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
I forget how to act sober
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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