I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Randomize
