I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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