I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Brb crying the tears of my youth
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
