Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
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