Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
