I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
