So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Randomize
