how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
