He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
You need Xanax blowdarts
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Randomize
