Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
You may now shotgun with the bride
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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