I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
you traded sex for a burrito?
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
