Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
