a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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