Heybabeimwearingurpanties
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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