Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
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