i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Randomize
