I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
