It's just like the Real World with babies
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
