You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
