Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
