To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
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