After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
