i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
