This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
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