I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
