I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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