if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
