i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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