I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
