Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
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