Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Randomize
