She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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