I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
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i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
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Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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